A Birthday and A Calling
Today marks 41 years to the
day since I accepted Jesus as my Savior and Lord. I wasn’t naughty. If you
lived in my home, you didn’t dare be naughty. I didn’t take drugs or drink
alcohol. I made mostly A’s in school. I was working on being self-sufficient.
It’s necessary in today’s world to take care of yourself because no one else
would, right? Still, I was like most people; I ran from God as He pulled on my
heart.
I don’t know of what I was
afraid; I had experienced love in the church and from the church staff for
years. No one in the church had ever hurt me, but instead showed and taught me
about God’s love. I learned the endearing songs “Jesus Loves Me” and “Jesus
loves the little Children” as a preschooler in church. I heard the stories of
Jesus’ birth, Lazarus’ resurrection from the dead, Jesus turning water into
wine, and His healing of people-the leper, the blind man, the woman who bled
for years. Still, when God called to my heart and mind, I ran. When I say I
ran, I mean I literally ran. I couldn’t tell you who was at the door, but I
knew it was church people when the bell rang. I ran upstairs to my room, out
the back door, and down the fire escape.
Why did I run? I really don’t know
still. Maybe it had to do with that drive to be self-sufficient. Maybe I didn’t
want to lean on anyone. It’s possible, the Father figure of God scared me, like
my father scared me. I think the biggest reason I ran from God is why most
people run. I was afraid of what He would ask me to do.
Remember all the stories in
the Bible of which you’ve heard. God called Abraham to be His man. He told
Abraham He would make him the father of a great nation, then told him to go to
a land he would show him. God told Moses to go to Egypt and set His people
free. God called Samuel while a little child and used him to be His prophet. He
called Isaiah, convicted his heart of his sin, then sent him out to be a
prophet. Jesus called each of the disciples to follow Him. They didn’t know
they would follow Him to the cross. You get my point here. It seemed when God
called people, He called them to sacrifice themselves, their lives, and their
stuff. I had my whole life ahead of me. I was afraid of what God would call me
to do. I was afraid. That’s how I re-entered my parent’s house at 14 years old.
I remember nothing else about
that night except that I didn’t run from God anymore. My life started revolving,
by my choice, around church-choir, youth group, Sunday School. I didn’t go to
church anymore just for a haven or to be with people who loved me. I went to
church to know God more. I couldn’t get enough of Him. When the youth played on
a Friday night, I read my Bible on the church steps. When a special youth week occurred,
I was there devouring the Word. During that week, I sensed God telling me I
would be a minister’s wife. That was the second time I realized God was
speaking to me. Then I remembered, when I was nine years old and in Sunday
School, I felt God softening my heart for missionaries. My teachers taught
about them that day and the page they gave me to color was about Thailand.
That fourteenth summer of my
life one other thing happened that brought me to the foot of the cross. A young
adult woman took an interest in me. She was ten years older than me, but she
decided to include me in her life. This young lady picked me up and took me to
the mall, to burger restaurants, to choir, and to church. One snowy day, we arrived
at her apartment to sled down the hills around her apartment complex. After
sledding, we made hot chocolate in her kitchen and then sat on the floor. After
some quiet (remember, God was working on my heart), I asked her why she cared
about me. I had never known her before she chose to care about me. Her response
changed me forever. She said, “I love you because Jesus loves you and me.” My
glass wall shattered! Why? Because someone loved me when she didn’t have to. She chose to love me.
God’s love through Jesus
Christ shattered my wall and I have never been the same. His love shattered my
defenses of self-sufficiency and fear. I realized without Him I could do
nothing. Paul said this positively in Philippians 4:13 when he said, “I can do
all things through Him who strengthens me.” Jesus stated it explicitly in John
15:5. He said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. He who abides in Me and I
in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”
At that time, I realized I
need not fear. God loves me more than anyone. His love wants only the best for
me, so why should I fear what He may call me to do. The greatest Bible verse we
all have memorized expressed God’s love. John 3:16 tells us how great God’s
love is for us. It says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only
begotten Son so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal
life.” Since God loves me enough that He sent His Son to die for me (for my
sins), and for the whole world for all time, then I can trust Him and not fear.
David wrote about the coming Messiah throughout the Psalms. In Psalm 27:1, he
declared his faith in Yahweh. He said, “The Lord is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defense of my life; whom shall I dread?”
At that point in time, when I
was 14 years old, God told me He loved me enough to send His Son to die for me.
He told me He is my light and salvation; I have nothing to fear. Through the
Bible, God also told me that without Him, I can do nothing. Faced with these
three absolutes, I realized my mortality, sinfulness, and need of the Savior
and Lord. Without fearing to what He would call me in the future, I walked into
His loving, open arms and gave my heart and life to Him. God gave me a new
birthday, a spiritual birthday. Today, I say, “Happy birthday, to me. Thank
you, Jesus.”
We don’t know to what God will
call us. Neither do we know what we will face in the future without God. The
future without God is unknown. A future with God, we understand, holds love,
guidance, strength, and provision. There is nowhere we can go that God won’t find us. Likewise, there is nowhere God can send us that He won’t love,
protect, provide, and guide us. What is fear? It is fearing the unknown. With
God, nothing is unknown. We realize He loves us. That is what is important. I
didn’t know where God would call me to walk or work in the future, but I trusted
Him and His heart implicitly.
Where do you stand today? Are
you afraid of the future? Do you feel unloved? God loves you now, just as you
are. Go to Him and His love and you will never need fear what will come against
you, or of being alone and unloved. “If God is for us, who can be against us?”
(Romans 8:31 [NASB])
We know that God causes all things to work together for the good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? Who will bring a charge against God’s elect? God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us. Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
Just as it is written, “For your sake we are being put to death all day long; we were considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:28-39 [NASB])
Lord, God, I realize I am a sinner
in need of a Savior. Thank You for dying for me and for Your forgiveness. Thank
You for Your love that never gave up on me and never will give up on me. Please
take my heart today and make it anew for Your purposes. I trust You and have no
fear. You are God and know all things. Whom shall I fear? I am Yours for Your
purposes. Amen.
